Magazine Death Pool

Three dead shelter magazines

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Might as well live in a shack.

Five biggest ad page losers for 2009

Time to shake off the cobwebs and recover from that hangover. Miami is just not the Reaper's style as my skin tone does not improve.

Looking back at the wreckage of 2009, it's time to post the magazines which had the largest percentage drops in advertising pages that are still alive, somehow.

Topping the list is one of the Reaper's favorites, Power & Motoryacht, with an impressive 57.3% loss in ad pages, according to Mediaweek.

Take a good look at the cover. Do you know anybody who really wants to show off one of these things in the past 18 months? That is, if they haven't lost a bundle already? The boat shows are coming up shortly. Taking any bets on attendance?

Power & Motoryacht    -57.3%

Architectural Digest    -49.9%

Veranda     -47.7%

W    -45.9%

Town & Country     -45.6%

Washington Spaces: RIP December 2009

See explanations for Atlanta Life and Connecticut Home & Garden.

Metropolitan Home and Connecticut Home & Garden: RIP November 2009

If you have "home" or "garden" in your title, you've got one foot already on the banana peel to The Reaper's boat ride. And it ain't down the Mississippi.

The only lawns being watered in the shelter category are at Pinelawn.

Another two down.

Southern Accents: RIP August 2009

Kudos to the redundancy department for taking care of Southern Accents magazine today. For Time Inc., it has all come down to Southern Living and Coastal Living. Frankly, there's not much "living" going on in Birmingham, Alabama.

It's bad enough to be a shelter magazine these days, but a shelter magazine in the south?

I wish they'd come up with a new magazine to help me redecorate the old cave down here. Something perhaps called "Not Living?"

As one of the Reaper's fatherful readers said in his e-mail: "Y'all stay dead now, heah?"

Domino: RIP January 2009

I said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh... Domino! You're the next to go!

It's bad enough being a shelter magazine these days. But a shelter magazine for affluent consumers? You'd have a better chance starting a shelter magazine for unemployed consumers, featuring interior designs from the experts at IKEA, Staples and college dormitories everywhere.

Domino is yet another example of the Adweek Start-Up Curse, littered with belly-up titles. Attention magazine publishers: this is an honor you do not want, along with Mr. Magazine's annual ranking of "notable titles!" Domino took the award just a mere few years ago, along with Advertising Age's A List. Even two recent National Magazine Award nominations would not convince any advertisers to take a schedule.

With all the shelter books falling like, uh, dominos, the Reaper believes that ugly home interiors will once again rule the day. With lemming-like love for all things interactive, consumers will find their inspiration in the little app windows of iPhones and the beautiful lime green of Windows Mobile.

Country Home: RIP January 2009

No more living in a home in the heart of the country.

It's another round of "Don't gimme shelter!" as Meredith closes the doors on Country Home.

There ain't nobody safe from the Reaper these days. You can hide under the floorboards, but the Reaper will just go about its business.

Who gets it next in the shelter category? Architectural Digest is down 45% in ad pages this month, and Garden Design, Veranda and Southern Accents are crumbling fast too.

I have so many articles clipped from dead shelter magazines, that I don't know what to do. It's a lucky thing contractors are so cheap these days, although good luck finding one to come down here!

RIP: Cottage Living

The shelter magazine category gave up another one to the Reaper today, as Time Inc. closed the doors on Cottage Living.

Cottage Living is notable for all the trade industry awards its won since September 2004. In its short four year of life, the publication got the kiss of death by winning Adweek's 2005 Startup of the Year and appeared on their "little Hot List" in 2006 and 2007 for magazines that made under $50 million in revenue, and Advertising Age's "2005 Launch Worth Watching."

In the end, all those "hot lists" meant nothing against the housing market meltdown.

It's too bad the Reaper doesn't have much of a crib and it certainly doesn't resemble a cottage and there's nobody living down here. Another one bites the dust.

RIP: O At Home

No one's in the kitchen with Oprah,
No one's in the kitchen I kno-o-o-ow.
No one's in the kitchen with Oprah-h-hh...
The staff is down to O!

Mary Engelbreit's Home Companion: RIP October 2008

Mary Engelbreit has no more companions, home or otherwise.

The shelter category continues to lose it foundation <cough> with one of the minor players. Engelbreit aspired to be a Midwestern Martha Stewart after making it big in greeting cards. Did you know she has a star on the St. Louis Walk of Fame?

When crafts, remodeling and gardening were hot 10 years ago, somebody coughed up the money to produce a magazine in her name. Now that homes are in rampant foreclosure and layoffs are at an all-time high, not even the good name of Mary Engelbreit can save her own magazine.

The Reaper takes the Home Companion down to that specially Americana styled section of Hell featuring House & Garden and the recently deceased House. I'm cutting out all the articles about pumpkin carving because that's how we welcome our guests here!