Magazine Death Pool

Southern Accents: RIP August 2009

Kudos to the redundancy department for taking care of Southern Accents magazine today. For Time Inc., it has all come down to Southern Living and Coastal Living. Frankly, there's not much "living" going on in Birmingham, Alabama.

It's bad enough to be a shelter magazine these days, but a shelter magazine in the south?

I wish they'd come up with a new magazine to help me redecorate the old cave down here. Something perhaps called "Not Living?"

As one of the Reaper's fatherful readers said in his e-mail: "Y'all stay dead now, heah?"

Pink: RIP August 2009

Pink was in the red and now it's dead.

Beware of one-worded women's magazine's based on thin concepts. Tango thought it would survive on relationships, but as everybody knows, love stinks and hook-ups don't last. Pffttt -- Tango moved online only.

Pink, a women's career leadership and busiess title, was not going to be long for this world, despite the noble mission of "equity and opportunity." Waltzing with Tango now in the digital world after five years in print, there is now one less title in nail salons across this great country of ours. Sniff.

If you were a McKinsey consultant, which Conde Nast magazine would you fold?

You know the Reaper loves games and here's a new one for all you management consultant wannabe's.

It's no secret that Conde Nast has retained McKinsey & Company to "rethink" how it does its business.

So let's pretend you are the lead consultant on the job, kicking the tires around Si's publishing empire, looking for efficiencies and as Charlie Daniels once said, "a soul to steal."

Which magazine would you fold first? Not because you don't like it but because you think it is truly dying and does not deserve to live or the future will be, ahem, unkind or it has outlived its purpose. And why would you fold it?

Here is the line-up of troubled favorites:

• W
• Allure
• Self
• Glamour
• Teen Vogue
• Details
• Architectural Digest
• Brides
• Modern Bride
• Elegant Bride
• Lucky
• Vanity Fair
• Gourmet
• Bon Appetit
• Conde Nast Traveler
• Wired
• The New Yorker

NOTE: I purposefully left off Vogue, GQ and Cookie since the odds of them folding compared to the others is much slimmer.

Readers suggest other magazines marked for death in 2nd half 2009

After showing some of the fine first half 2009 ad page number drops for a dozen publications, the Reaper's readers had candidates of their own to nominate for the Fix on the River Styx.

Do you agree?

• SKIING
• ROBB REPORT
• INTERVIEW
• SAVEUR

Modern Jeweler: RIP July 2009

No better way to kill a 108-year-old magazine than put somebody who is about that age on your cover.

In 1901, Theodore Roosevelt was just elected president. Only 14% of the homes in the US had bathtubs. There were only 45 states in the US. The average wage was 22 cents an hour. Who was buying all the jewelry that forced somebody to publish a magazine about it?

Nobody is chasing Harry Winston any more.

CSI magazine: RIP July 2009

Brutally murdered after a mere 11 issues, CSI magazine -- the official magazine of the hit CBS tv series -- won't even live on in rerun heaven.

No more will we have tributes to Gil Grissom, features about the hot looking women who populate Miami, Las Vegas and New York, or guides to each precious episode.

If anybody wants to know where the body went, it went with the Reaper on a speedboat to hell!

Rumor: Spin closing?

Is Spin going to follow right behind Blender and Vibe doing the Posthumous Polka?

The Reaper has heard one rumor, but it's just that. One piece of hearsay.

However, it's not far fetched considering how close Spin has come to a permanent visit down here. Spin's ads are already down 28% this year.

After all the crying and long goodbyes for Vibe and Blender, Spin would bring out the handkerchiefs once more from all the ink-stained attendees of last night's Wilco concert. What do they say about bad things coming in threes?

Prime death candidates for second half 2009

One look comparing magazine ad pages of the first half of 2009 versus 2008, and the Reaper's got a brand new shopping list.

• AUTOMOBILE: -36.6% (4th place in America's favorite bankrupt category)
• LIFE & STYLE WEEKLY: -44.1% (this one is so ready for the boat ride)
• TEEN VOGUE: -40.8% (will become another "teen angel," joining Teen People, Teen, CosmoGirl)
• W: -44.2% (heading for obsolescence)
• TOWN & COUNTRY: -42.9% (did the NY Times check this magazine when writing that puff piece?)
• DEPARTURES: hitting the magic -50% (Platinum card holders getting rusted)
• KIPLINGER'S PERSONAL FINANCE: -36.7% (Always a Reaper favorite to go)
• SPORTING NEWS: -39.1 (How's that freebie digital subscription going?)
• ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST: -49.5% (Even the rich don't want to see other people's homes anymore)
• VERANDA: -45.1% (another Hearst purchase gone sour)
• GOURMET: -46.1 (Conde Nast does not need two food magazines)
• BOATING (-49%) and POWER & MOTOR YACHT (-57.3%): Two more Reaper favorites to go which can not be sustained when nobody is even going to boat shows!

Submitted for your approval: Business Week

Yes, it may be a good idea to rethink retirement because McGraw-Hill has hired Evercore Partners Inc. to sell the magazine,says Bloomberg.

The whole business category has been smacked. Portfolio was an easy mark, but can the market support a weekly?

That's stating the obvious. Who is going to buy a weekly business magazine? One with an admirable web site and social media network, but traffic below even TheStreet.com, according to Silicon Alley Insider.

The Reaper sees three possible scenarios:

1) A foreign entity smitten with American business picks this one up.

2) Business Week is sold to an all-digital entity, where they kill the magazine, and absorb the online assets, while keeping a fraction of the staff.

3) No buyers, Business Week gets in the conga line behind Portfolio and McGraw-Hill sees better luck with magazines about construction and aviation.

One magazine.
Magazine for sale.
It's going cheap.
Only seven mill,
That -- or thereabouts.

Business magazine,
Looking pale.
Through lack of ads.
Feed it cruel jokes,
To stop it from getting stout.

ODDS OF SURVIVAL: 25%

Vibe: RIP June 2009

It's been a bad week for Quincy Jones.

First, his musical protege Michael Jackson decided he couldn't stop when he had enough, stopped breathing and ended his recording career.

Then today, the magazine he founded 16 years ago with Time Inc., although he sold it a long time ago, went to join Tupac Shakur, Ol Dirty Bastard, and Notorious B.I.G. in the Reaper's crib. Big ass flat screen TV, stereo system with 5 foot subwoofers, and Sub Zero fridge to store recent arrivals.

I'm trying to book Rev. Al Sharpton for a public memorial but they don't have news crews where the Reaper lives, so he won't come.