Magazine Death Pool

Shock magazine: RIP 2006

You thought FHM was going to be it? C'mon -- it's only December 21st! We have nine more days to scrutinize the value of these tax write-offs. Looks like Ad Age is going to have to add one on to their list of 10 2006 Magazines That Met Their End.

Even the Reaper likes to look at photos of accidents, bruises and stunts every once in a while. You should see me drive -- it's tough when you've got a hood covering your face, so it's difficult to change lanes.

Anyway, seems like I'm the only one that feels this way, and so today the Reaper came for Shock magazine, Hachette's tabloid experiment.

Reason for death is very simple: Nobody was going to advertise in this baby (unless it was Spanish Fly or re-used term papers), so it had to sell on the newsstand in order to live. And we all know what the newsstand is like these days....

So if Mike Hammer, Bill Schulz and the others think they've seen ghastly sights while working on Shock, well, wait until they arrive down here.  It's darker and uglier than what's under Greg Gutfeld's bed.

P.S. What is with these proclamations that the web site is going to continue? Hachette said it with ElleGirl, Emap said it with FHM, and now it's being stated again for Shock. Maybe it's for legal mumbo jumbo, but does anybody really believe either of these parent companies are beefing up the edit staffs of these web sites to make a go at it?

"It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" (The Reaper version)

It's the most wonderful time of the year,
When the axes are falling,
And the Reaper is calling, saying "Sorry I'm here!"
It's the most wonderful time of the year.

It's the crap-crappiest season of all.
With those HR greetings, for exit job meetings,
You just want to bawl!
It's the crap-crappiest season of all!


There'll be lots of web postings
And former boss roastings,
And everything's gone to hell.
There'll be scary job stories
And tales of the glories of
Your friends who program HTML!

It's the most wonderful time of the year
There'll be much "told you so"-ing,
When you saw the ads going,
To owners of mobile gear,
It's the most wonderful time of the year.                                                      

RIP -- US edition of FHM (1999 - 2006)

The Reaper called this one a while ago, and it was time to cash in. After all, it's time to take the corporate write-off!

All the chips were there for a visit from the Man in Black:

• Magazine left alone by its UK parent with no investment or support.
• Ad pages dropping like Nicole Richie's weight, and let me tell you -- some of those pages were not "Paid in Full."
• Editorial going further and further downmarket until the Grand Central newsstand was pulling them. Once you put porno stars on the cover, it's almost the kiss of death.
• No brand development whatsoever.
• Fashion staff dismissed four or five months ago, which is almost unheard of in the men's category.

So FHM had to go -- Dana Fields, Scott and the whole lot are coming with me today. We're serving them lots of beer on the way down in our "club car."

Special note: if Emap pulls the plug on FHM, how in the world can Giant still be standing?

It's two weeks to Christmas -- we're heading to the home stretch when those asset write-offs look very tempting to publishers and owners. The excitement is killing me!!